Why I No Longer Write Birth Stories

As a new doula, straight out of training, one of the basic services that I was told to offer my clients were written birth stories. I loved writing my own birth stories and looked forward to this aspect of my doula work. After a few births, I began to dread writing these stories. Not because I didn't enjoy retelling the beautiful births I had attended, but because it didn't feel right. These were not my stories to tell.

Writing my own birth stories when my sons were born was how I processed their births and owned my power in the experience. Only I knew what I was feeling during certain moments. I didn't need someone else to interpret the situation for me or make assumptions about how I was feeling. Going over every memory, checking them against my midwives labour charting, and talking about them with my husband was a delicious part of how I welcomed my sons into the world. I recognize that not everyone feels the need to rehash every minutiae of their labour or wants a birth story. But, for me, I was the only person who could tell the story of my labours.

I worried about colouring my clients' experience with my own perspective. This story may affect how a client remembers her child's birth for years to come. That's a huge responsibility. And there's a fine line between retelling things honestly and sugar-coating events that may have been disappointing to them. Similarly, an event that I might have seen as disappointing or upsetting might not have seemed that way to the client and her partner. How awful to have the memory of your child's birth reshaped based on someone else's perspective. If you were happy with the experience until someone else pointed out the things that were negative, did that person do you a service or a disservice?

So, what do I offer now? Detailed labour notes. I write down who was there, when things happened, and notable things that were said. I try to keep them objective. It's a reference for the client to clarify time lines and things that stood out to me as unique and beautiful. How her partner stroked her hair. The comment she made after a contraction that caught us all off-guard and filled the room with laughter. What music was playing when the baby was born. Things that she may not remember, but might like to. This is what seems right to me.